October 3, 2016

Meet my big brother, Casey. If you were to ask me who the happiest person I know is, my answer would be him. He possesses this incredible ability to make people smile, and it’s more contagious than the common cold. I truly believe that his unintentional mission in life is to elevate the corners of your lips and create permanent laugh lines around your eyes.

Casey is on the autism spectrum, and is clinically diagnosed with Dandy Walker Syndrome. His mental and physical capabilities prevent him from ever being able to live independently, but he’s vibrant, mobile, relatively healthy, and incredibly happy.

“What’s it like to have an older brother with a disability?” was often a question I got asked growing up, and I didn’t ever really have a response for it. I knew he was different, but didn’t see it that way. He was simply my older brother, Casey, who listened to Christmas music all year round, got overly excited about a can of Coke, and whose unwavering belief in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny forced Mom and Dad to keep the gift giving and chocolate egg hunts alive well past our childhood years. The truth is that life was very normal. My siblings and I embraced that normalcy because we knew no different. He was family, and that was, and has always been, enough.

I didn’t understand how much of an impact he had on me until I spent some time reflecting on the relationships I’ve built over the course of my lifetime. Some of the really important lessons I absorbed at a young age were courtesy of growing up in a family with a brother like Casey. I was able to witness life through his eyes, and I think we’d all be a little better off if we were able to emulate some of the philosophies he lives by.

I’ve attempted to compile a short list of some of those lessons. I hope they solidify some of the things you already know, or shed a different perspective on the way you view your world.

1) People will amaze and inspire you if you allow them the opportunity to. Everyone deserves to feel appreciated, loved, and like they belong.

One of Casey’s greatest attributes is that he accepts what he sees at face value. He passes no judgement. In his eyes, you simply are who you are, and he’s perfectly happy embracing you in that state. As a result, there’s no need to impress or prove your worth to him. He treats everyone with a warmth and openness, and people fall in love with him instantly because of it. There are no barriers to initiating a friendship, and that is simplistically beautiful.

2) The simplest things really do bring the most joy.

If you want to see Casey when he’s experiencing a level of pure bliss, swing on over to Mom and Dad’s on Christmas morning to watch him unwrap a jar of dill pickles. The level of happiness that emanates from that man when he discovers a jar of fermented cucumbers underneath the Christmas wrapping paper is similar to somebody who just matched all the numbers on their lotto 649 ticket. He truly appreciates the simplest forms of happy in his life – throwing stones in the water; a quick honk from somebody driving by on the street to say hello; watching the trucks on a construction site; drinking a can of Coke – the list is endless. I’m reminded of this lesson often through him, but it solidifies every Christmas morning when those dill pickles make an appearance.

3) The spirit of Christmas should live in you year round.

On the average day, Casey listens to “Jingle Bells” roughly 143 times on repeat. His favourite Christmas carol is his own rendition of a classic he titled ‘Silver Bells, Casey Smells’ that he’ll sing to you at any opportunity. He lives and breathes the Christmas spirit all year round because he just loves it so much. Connecting with friends, community events, warm wishes and friendly hellos, holiday functions with the extended family – these are things that Casey cherishes and constantly looks forward to throughout the year.

4) A smile and a compliment never go to waste.

We grew up in small town Ontario in a community of approximately 3000 people. It’s an incredibly supportive place with wonderful citizens who embrace Casey as a member. He gets to ride in the passenger seat of a big truck during the Christmas parade, sit in on the annual general meeting of a major local business while sporting the company’s sponsored clothing items, complete some of the crossing guard duties for the elementary school, and deliver mail to the local businesses. He’s a popular fellow and his ability to create a connection almost immediately with people is truly fascinating. How does he do it? With a smile on his face and a clever compliment that earns either a hearty chuckle, or leaves his social counterpart beaming as they walk away. If you ask people about their social exchange with him, there’s a 95% chance they’ll tell you that he complimented them with ‘I like your ponytail’ (to anybody with, or without, hair), or he teased them with a simple ‘stinky feet’. The gesture he makes is so simple, but so profound and effective. It leaves such a strong impression on the people he engages with that it becomes a running joke every time they encounter each other. Everybody gets a good chuckle and it brightens the day a little.

5) Remember the details.

Casey’s brain has an incredible capacity to make connections and remember the smallest of details. He’ll bring up the names of people that were once neighbours in a community we lived in 25+ years ago and ask how their dog, Sparky, is doing. Once he’s met you and shared in a piece of your life, he’ll remember the names of your kids, brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, pets, farm animals, and anything else that represents any level of importance to you. How nice is it to know that somebody took the time to remember what you care about most?

6) Inanimate objects count too.

Everything has a spirit and deserves to be treated with a certain level of respect. He treats inanimate objects like people. Our 1987 Cadillac that sits in the barn is a good friend of his. As is the grandfather clock that once took up space in our Granddad’s farm house and now keeps him company in the living room of my parents’ home. The organ at the local church that he used to sneak into after hours to play? That counts too. As does the boat at our cottage. In his eyes, these objects all have a spirit, and he respects the bond that he shares with them.  If we all treated and respected the world and everything in it like Casey does, imagine how different this place would be.

Casey has such a joy-filled life because he strips away the unnecessary and places an emphasis on the simplest forms of happy. The way Casey moves through life serves as a constant reminder to live simply and love often.

He’s taught me that everybody’s story is their own and it’s my job to respect and attempt to understand it. It’s impossible to know what somebody’s going through, so be kind, ask questions, and listen intently. If we can approach others with a curiosity about the lives they live, they’ll amaze us, inspire us, and teach us about ourselves and the world.